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My parents were never married. My father was a deadbeat. But every few months he would pick me and my little brother up (who was not his son) and have us spend the night.
I remember he used to give me backrubs and sometimes he would rub low on my butt and I would tell him I didn't like it and to stop. It made me feel real uncomfortable, but I didn't think it was "wrong".
Then one time, when I was about eleven I woke up. I remember how I pretended to be asleep, but the entire time I was terrorfied to even move, as I realized that my panties were pulled down and my father was molesting me.
My mother noticed that something was wrong with me almost immediately. I had nightmares, wouldn't come out of my room.
She was in therapy herself at the time for her whole mess of problems, and she told her therapist about the way I was acting.
The therapist asked if she thought I had been molested.
So my mother sat me down and asked what had happen. I finally told her. That's when I found out she had been molested by her step-father, too. That her mother hadn't believed her when she told.
It wasn't until my mother got pregnant at fourteen, that my grandmother feared that her husband was my father.
He wasn't. But the man who was my father was no better.
I remember going to court, and picking this little asian lady out of the jury and telling her my story. I remember my father's lawyer telling me that I just had a bad dream and that I had been brainwashed by my mother.
I remember my Grandmother (my father's mother) telling me that I was a liar and a little whore.
I remember that I had a cousin who I went to school with, who told other kids in school that I had lied about being molested and sent my father to jail.
I remember some kid I didn't know came to me, and told me about this brag book that had been passed around, where my cousin had wrote about it.
I remember wanting to die from the humiliation of everyone knowing.
I remember my cousin Kathy, who was the one who wrote everything in that book, telling me years later that she found out my father had molested my cousin Christy too.
I remember finding out that my father had moved in with a woman with 3 little girls, and begging my cousins to tell the woman what he had done.
I remember with the exception of one uncle, that my father's family completely abandoned me.
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